A Simple Learning Journey

The last four months have zoomed past so quickly in the blink of an eye.

It has been mostly smooth sailing and filled with a lot of new responsibilities, new team dynamics and slightly higher expectations.

But every single day, there is so much to observe about ourselves, only if we took a little bit of our time to look inside of ourselves, to “take a seat back” and observe our own thoughts and thinking.

I’ve been getting quite a bit of negative vibes all around since the beginning of the new year. But that’s when I realised that I had to stop for a minute and start reflecting on all the good things that I’ve had in my life so far and how blessed I have been. That’s when I posted a little reminder on Facebook to myself that “When we stop counting our blessings, we stop being happy”.

On and off, I have been feeling a little grouchy and grumbly, especially when works gets frustrating and when the time of the month comes around. I found myself complaining and whiny with all the negative energy that I possess. However, when I start thinking about all the good things and how blessed I was, it felt a little better. And it was another good reminder for me not to take things for granted.

When we take things for granted, things somehow loses its magic. Like how at the start when KS first started dropping me off on the way to work, every time it was quite exciting (not the correct word to use), but it was not something I get everyday, and so it was like a present every morning. As the days passed, and it became an almost everyday thing, that little “magic” of getting that present every morning kind of lessened. Nevertheless, I keep reminding myself not to take it for granted and I should show every bit of appreciation I had to him everyday and every single time. I knew that it not only made me feel more blessed than ever, but also made KS feel appreciated (I hope!)

On and off, I complain of things that “should have been”. But in the process, I’ve learnt that those “should have beens” are just what they are. If there weren’t, then we would not be regretting and complaining about it.

That was one big take back from the annual spring cleaning exercise for my home.

A lot of things were “good to have” – like a super spankingly clean home, spotless and a clean and extremely well-organised storage room, squeakingly clean bathrooms and neat bedrooms. Those were quite impossible to achieve given that we only had 2 weekends (just about 1 saturday and 2 sundays before Chinese New Year). It was extremely useful to have helped my mom (the super confused, unfocused and lost perfectionist) to realise that the idealistically clean home was just a “good to have” given the resources (mainly TIME) that we had. And hence, we managed to convince ourselves that we will do the 20% of the stuff that mattered or made 80% of the difference to the overall cleanliness of the home. And for some obscure reason, the end result overall was tremendously satisfying. Mainly because we did those tasks that made most of the difference, and we had some sort of a focus. (Not that we were THAT focused, but at least, we manage to steer ourselves off those little things that didn’t matter as much).

I’m also extremely pleased with my ability to clear out most of the unused, unwanted bags out of my wardrobe – some were picked out by my aunts and I had 2 new ones which I bought but didnt use to my cousins whom I know will love it. Some my aunts picked up to give away to others. Now I feel like I’m only left with the essential bags and a few sentimental ones. The results were satisfying because I now know better what bags I have and I can rotate using those few bags I have left. It feels like I’ve made their existence worth the while and justified.

I’ve picked out and cleared out some my little boxes of “sentimental” materials of cards, letters and mementoes. Some I’ve packed into one box, waiting for my cousin to help scan so that I can throw some of these away after it’s done. And I would be paying my cousin for the work, so it feels like a win-win situation, and I feel quite good about it.

So far, my table top’s been kept rather clean. It’s not 100% without things, but at least I’ve got space every night to put my bags and jacket on it, without anything spilling over.  It’s quite different from the previous few years where KS described it as “a wall of stuff” and things spilling all over whenever I needed to look for something. That feeling is surprisingly liberating.

At work, I try to keep my writing space as clean and clutter free as possible. I try as much as possible in making sure the desktop looks clear before I leave, so that I can “start afresh” the next morning. Of course, being a hoarder at heart, there are quite a bit of things “hoarded” underneath my table. But at least, I get a clean table now, which allows me to think slightly more “clearly” than before.

My MUJI notebook, my sheets of “planning blocks” and my postits and highlighters are about the most important thing that I use every part of the day. It helps me clear my thoughts on the things that needs to be done, the process and steps I need to get through before I get the “end-product” done. And I must say, this system is working pretty well for me and I simply love it. Credits to the “personal organising” workshop that I attended; and the book “Sorted” for the idea on a blank notebook (only use the right side) and strike off tasks that are done with highlighter).

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I was just thinking about self-esteem and confidence the other day. Simply because I admit I have a pretty low self-esteem, and although sometimes I may look “stuckup” but that’s because of my own insecurities. And I cared too much about what others think of me. WAY too much. My personal reflection in this area is that low self-esteem somehow make us have a less than desirable opinion of ourselves. And it projects our thinking into the feeling of insecurity, inferiority and that people do not think much about us. That we are not pretty enough, not friendly enough, not sociable enough. And while doing that, negative vibes comes along and tries to “help us out” by thinking negatively of others, although we may even be envious of whatever they are or had, without realising it. This low self-esteem prevents us from truly being able to connect with others. I found out that all I had to do, was to remind myself of my own strength and the “goodness” I had in me. That kind of gave me a little confidence boost.

That’s just a small little sense of achievement for me so far for now. There is still so much to do. My wardrobe is waiting to be ransacked and clothes are waiting to be picked and given to people who needs them more. And I’ve got my dressing table which looks slightly “cleaner” than before mainly because there are 2 other smaller trays of cosmetics and skincare product placed on the floor in front of my bookshelves.

One last reflection: possibilities are endless. ^^,

Counting down 12 days to the first big event at work and the feeling of freedom after that! (before the next project comes along!) 🙂